Culture Kalashnikov

The death of Mikhail Kalashnikov at the age of 94 is a cause of sadness to me, not in the same way or league as Nelson Mandela (a sure fire way to get loads of Facebook likes - thereby upping your online profile - was to post a eulogy to the great man in the 24 hours after his death. I eschewed such activity, confining myself to clicking 'Like' and the odd comment here and there), but for a man behind a gun that had a culture all of its own.
Even typing 'Kalas' into Blogger brings up the suggestion Kalashnikov demonstrating its ubiquity over the last three score decades. It is estimated that 100 million AK-47s alone are in circulation (around half of them not the full genuine article), with a million produced every year.  The popularity stems from the incredible simplicity of construction and assembly/disassembly - ideal for cash-strapped insurgencies in remote fastnesses, even to the extent of being used against the Soviets and their protégés in the Cold War.
I remember walking into a standard Russian shop unit in Moscow that sold cameras, batteries and AK-74s! The AK-74s were the upgrade for AK-47s, retaining the simplicity but improving the accuracy.  Nonetheless, AK-47s have a renown that no improvement can supersede, illustrated in the film Jackie Brown when Samuel L. Jackson's character waxed lyrical over bikini-clad babes toting the gun.
My fondness for Kalashnikov himself stems from my discovery that there was a designer who lent his name to the weapon rather than an impressive sounding Soviet generic name.  This was just over a decade ago when a vodka brand was released bearing his name and capitalising on the notoriety.  One day I will drink that vodka and toast Mikhail.
Kalashnikov never lamented his invention - though he would prefer to invent agricultural machinery, his primary mission was to defend the motherland and if his genius lent itself to weaponry in that cause, so be it.  Though his design has killed millions of people and been far more destructive than atomic and nuclear weapons, not for him the doubt and handwringing of Oppenheimer.  Not that he did not express sorrow for all the deaths that practitioners using his design caused, uncontrolled distribution enabling such a devastatingly reliable rifle to fall into the wrong hands; it was, however, the responsibility of politicians to find peaceful solutions for if his gun was not used, another one would be.  It is slightly disingenuous giving the side that wielded more of his guns an advantage that would preclude negotiations but Kalashnikov made no money from it and he could hardly be blamed for how his superiors ensured the propagation of the AK-47 especially.  He said he slept well and now he has entered the greatest sleep of all.

Festive irony

I love it that when organisations (such as Google and their doodle) are determinedly secular at this time of year - so as not to offend 'anyone' (yeah, right) - they yet use a terminology which is avowedly religious, that is, 'happy holidays' (née holy days), a phrase designated for the feast days of Christian saints.  As with the question in Dr Who (who recently seems to be fighting against saying his own name more than any of his traditional enemies), this greeting is most definitely in plain sight.

The protection of a passport?

The returning of the body of British surgeon Abbas Khan after his 'effective murder' by the Syrian authorities, after he was captured entering Syria illegally to offer humanitarian aid is a quickening moment for his family as furiously they demand an inquiry.  The death raises questions about how Damascus could do this with impunity and why the Foreign Office did not get involved.  The West is desirous of peace, stability and justice (in that order) but, more importantly, is desirous of not getting involved.
It is not the first time that British nationality has had no effect in preventing the death of a citizen of these isles.  13 years before the introduction of passports, with all the alleged protections detailed for the bearer, during the First Anglo-Afghan War, Captain Arthur Conolly was sent on a mission to the Amir of Bokhara (modern Bukhara), Nasrullah Khan, to ask him to hand over the fugitive former Amir of Afghanistan, Dost Muhammad and release his European prisoners, one of whom included Colonel Charles Stoddart, military aide to the British ambassador to Persia, who was himself in Bokhara trying to secure the release of Russian prisoners (and so remove the pretext for a Russian invasion).  It was all part of the Great Game but Khan tired of this game, beheading his British prisoners and letting Dost Muhammad escape.  It went unpunished as not long after the Army of the Indus was almost entirely annihilated trying to escape from Kabul and thereafter the British were more concerned organising an expedition of retribution against the Afghans, which they did, forcing the Khyber Pass for the first time in history and burning down the Great Bazaar of Kabul.  Nasrullah Khan was left unmolested by the British and lived in comfort for another 18 years.
22 years after the unfortunate events in Bokhara, another ruler taking umbrage at the British tried a similar trick.  Emperor Theodore of Abyssinia, feeling slighted that no reply had been given him from a letter he sent to Queen Victoria, imprisoned Captain Charles Cameron, Her Britannic Majesty's consul to his court and furthermore had him tortured on the rack and flogged with a hippopotamus hide whip.  This approximates to the unbearable conditions that Abbas Khan had too endure for 13 months until his death, suffering repeated beatings and pain and forced to inflict it on other prisoners by the guards.  The Foreign Office, which the family of Abbas Khan have criticised for being next-to-useless in securing the release of their son (apparently, it took the intervention of George Galloway to agree safe passage, in vain as it turned out), was at fault here.  If only they had sent a puff piece to mollify Emperor Theodore all might have been well.  Byron Farwell, author of Queen Victoria's Little Wars in his account of this episode, describes the Abyssinian emperor as "a madman but the imbecility of the civil servants in the Foreign Office made it difficult to determine who was the more demented."  After mislaying or forgetting or struggling for an appopriate reply, the letter lain unanswered, upon Captain Cameron's gaoling, the Foreign Office dug it up but then chose a Turkish Assyriologist, Hormuzd Rassam, to deliver it.  He had difficulty in screwing up the courage, taking a year and a half to reach the emperor.  He too was locked up for his troubles by Theodore.  More bizarrely, upon a subsequent plea from Theodore for skilled workmen, some machinery and a munitions manufacturer, the Foreign Office recruited a civil engineer and half a dozen artisans and they got as far as Massawa on the Eritrean coast (then under Ottoman/Egyptian control) before the British government halted their progress and decided to launch a punitive war instead.
During a House of Commons debate, Foreign Secretary Lord Palmerston delcared, "As the Roman in days of old, held himself free from indignity when he could say civis Romanus sum, so also a British subject in whatever land he may be, shall feel confident that the watchful eye and strong arm of England will protect him against injustice and wrong."  The United Kingdom was at the height of its power relative to the rest of the world and there was a general feeling that should a British person fall into a spell of bother with the local authorities, he should be rescued if need be.  In the campaign of 1867-8, the British Empire marched in, intimidated Theodore into releasing his European prisoners and successfully assaulted his fortress headquarters, whereupon he shot himself.  Much booty was carried off (many items of which were later returned by King George VI) and the late emperor's ten-year old son was taken in hand and sent to Rugby to be educated (sadly he died eight years later).  It was virtually a textbook war while Abyssinia was left in anarchy as minor princes and chiefs battled for supremacy in the power vacuum.
Theoretically, the Britain of 2013 could have done the same in Syria, as were enough money to be committed plus all troops removed from Afghanistan for this purpose (and the use of the French aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle), Assad's disgruntled army would be driven off and Hezbollah would not have the well-entrenched hills of southern Lebanon into where to retreat.  But leaving Syria in more anarchy than already exists would not be in British interests, for unlike in nineteenth century Abyssinia where it didn't matter to Europe, in Syria, al-Qaeda-linked groups would train up jihadists to send back to the West as currently happens in the north of the country (a Somalia-like zone).  The Syrians who want a democracy with Islamic inflections are only at a level of 10% military effectiveness in overall rebel power and are being killed by the extremists just as much as they are by Assad and his allies.  Essentially Abbas Khan was left to his fate not because the Foreign Office thought he had no-one to blame but himself for going there in the first place but because they now view Assad as the best bet for Syria and felt that they would be only ignored anyway.  An early military intervention (in 2011) as in Libya might have worked (of course with the USA providing the bulk of support), though as in north Africa, institutions would be precarious.  Now, any attack, even with just cruise missiles will strengthen merely those who reject the West in everything.  A political solution is the only option on the table and, however unpalatable, it will involve the wanton killers of women and children.  Assad will go down in history as another despot who never personally suffered the consequences of his actions, despite the indictment for war crimes by the International Criminal Court.  For Abbas Khan, the lethargic eye and weak arm of England, meant he could not enjoy the protection once afforded to a Roman citizen.

Crouch a tiger, heel turn WAG won

Has there ever been a better weekend for a couple on reality TV shows?  Abbey Clancey won the Strictly Come Dancing glitterball trophy on the votes of the nation (whilst constantly fussing with her hair - even as the credits were rolling, the back of her head was still causing some mysterious irritation).  All a long way from her days as a WAG (wife and girlfiends) participant in the Baden-Baden circus at the football World Cup in 2006 - or is it?  She needs a word with her hair stylist.
Earlier in the day, her husband, Peter Crouch was in action in the pantomime that is the Premier League, with a tigerish (rather than Tigerish - this isn't Hull City) performance for his team Stoke City.  Fashioning the chance for the first goal for the Potters and then, after Aston Villa equalised, scoring the winner at home that lifted his club into the top half of the table (for at least 24 hours).  In the exhilaration after the match, he said he wouldn't give his wife any dancing tips as he only had 'the robot' in his locker.  All such a long way from his days performing 'the robot' in a match versus Hungary in 2006 building up to the football World Cup a month later - or is it?  Can Roy Hodgson continue to ignore him for international duty?
Rarely can both sides of a 'power couple' (no sniggering) have had such unadulterated pleasure on the same day.  I'm happy for them.

Strife in South Sudan

Leo Tolstoy once wrote that, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The contagion of civil war has its roots in many different causes. In Colombia, until recently, it was a conflict between the government in Bogotá and its paramilitary right-wing allies and the narco-leftist forces of FARC. In Burma, religious and nationalistic tension chafing under authoritarian rule rumbles on as a low-level. In Syria, the civil war transmogrified from attempting to overthrow a dictatorial dynasty and replace it with a western-style democracy (with Islamic leanings), to carving out bits of Syria to be run under strictest interpretation of Sharia law with widespread violence and hostility to all less extreme than the bulk of the rebels.
It all saddens me as, apart from the initial cause seeking political freedom, it brings untold and terrible misery. So the disease has struck down the world's newest country, South Sudan. Independent since 2011, crises have punctuated its history ever since. Despite the initial promises of democracy, power has had its corrupting effect, along with the resource curse that encourages clientelism and desire to cling onto power. The president, Salva Kiir Mayardit, piqued at the high transit prices the old masters in Khartoum were charging for the transit of South Sudan's oil through Sudan, stopped all production of oil, cutting of his country's nose to spite his face, notwithstanding that 99% of South Sudan's economy is from the sale of oil. Khartoum by contrast was happy to wait it out. Eventually, international pressure made the president relent and accept that Sudan had his country (figuratively of the highest order) over a barrel. There has been the border skirmishes over the disposition of population and oil wells along the new border, with South Sudan being the aggressor. And now, Mayardit's former deputy has rallied parts of the army to rise up against the regime. In the computer game Tropico, if you piss off the militaristic faction or army sufficiently, they will rise up against you but you (as president) are not completely defenceless, as a loyalist section of the army will fight for you. Then the computer calculates the chances of whether you survive in power or not. Life imitates art (of a kind) as one part of South Sudan's military establishment remains firmly behind President Mayardit, who is donning military fatigues - a rare move for him. However it ends, the ordinary people of South Sudan will be worse off. That is the inevitable tragedy of civil war.

Big blow-out in Pyongyang

I remember reading a Lonely Planet guide to Korea in a shop and though the overwhelming part of the book was devoted to the Republic of Korea, there was a section for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, in which it described that, despite the obstacles, taking a sojourn in the North "will instantly make you the most interesting person you know."   After a group of students were patsies for an undercover Panorama investigation in the the country, taking media heat for visiting this odious regime and thereby supplying it with much needed hard currency, I found myself dissuaded from ever making the trip to this place.  Not because of the opprobrium that fell on the students, a small part through not wanting to replenish the coffers of the government, but mostly because what they saw was thoroughly boring.  A few magnificent vistas of distant peaks, a hospital which was made to seem deserted (no-one ever gets ill in a communist paradise), gargantuan blocky architecture - you may well become the most interesting person you know, but the trip will be the least interesting you have made.
Maybe Dennis Rodman gets access-all-areas to the precious little cool stuff that there is.  There is a long history of entertainers and showmen making themselves available to tyrants.  Hilary Swank, Jean Claude Van-Damme and Seal were the artists making themselves available to Chechen 'strongman' Ramzan Kadyrov for the latter's birthday bash.  Though Swank had the grace to sack her manager, Seal demanded not to be 'drawn into politics' after facing criticism from human rights groups.  Rodman falls back on the same line, even though this deal with North Korea to stage a basketball exhibition game will line his own pockets too.  The 'Big Bang in Pyongyang' with ex-NBA players following Rodman's to this benighted land for the delight of Kim Jong-Un will be a washout in terms of any genuine sporting significance but bring further disgrace to Rodman (on his third visitation now), as he steadfastly refuses to attempt to moderate the young megalomaniac yet lends a spurious legitimacy to the government/dynasty.

The EU - more market-driven than the Conservative Party

As David Cameron tells his 1922 Committee that he is prepared to use the 'nuclear option' of the Parliament Act to tie the hands of the next government into holding a referendum on the EU in 2017 (a very undemocratic action in that it pre-empts the manifestos of the Opposition).  Luckily, it is just noise, as Liberal Democrats will sink such a Bill in the Commons before Cameron can come down all heavy on the Lords.
Here's something you won't here often - the European Commission mounting an investigation in the nuclear power station planned for Hinkley Point, stating that consumers could pay £17 billion in potentially unnecessary subsidies to fund the plant's construction.  Ironically, despite being lambasted for Tories for being overly regulating in its approach, the EC says it thinks the construction can be achieved by market forces alone, without state intervention.  When Marcus Regius, chief executive of Grangemouth oil refinery, says that energy in the UK is the most expensive in the world and that the French recently built a nuclear power plant for half that which is proposed for Hinkley Point, it just goes to show that being outside the EU would allow Cameron and his cronies to stitch up British consumers with astronomical prices as they cosy up to the big energy companies.  Maybe that's the real reason many Tories want to leave the EU.

Off the rails

Though much abused and used incorrectly, it is some irony that Ronnie Biggs, the most famous of the Great Train Robbers (primarily by absconding from Wandsworth Prison in 1965 and and never being brought to book until voluntarily coming back to the UK in 2001), has died on the very day that a drama from the thieves' point of view is told, thereby glorifying the actions of him and his associates (followed tomorrow by the tale from the police's PoV as a counter-balance).  But maybe that was belated justice of a kind, denying him a potential last swig of celebrity.
I had thought actually that Biggs had died years ago - like many who had thought the same of Peter O'Toole, possibly confusing the thespian with his fellow wild ones, Richard Harris and Oliver Reed.  I was particularly incensed at the time that he came back to the UK to sponge off the NHS because he thought the Brazilian health service that he could afford wasn't up to his needs.  He would have been brought back by Jack Slipper had Biggs not been so fecund, fathering a son with a Brazilian woman, thereby annulling his extradition.  A film of his exploits Prisoner of Rio was released in 1988 where he was played by Paul Freeman (best known for the suave, villainous French archaeologist Belloq in Raiders of the Lost Ark whose body explodes in divine fury), starring alongside Steven Berkoff and Desmond Llewellyn.  He even had the dubious honour of being associated at one remove with Phil Collins in Buster, a movie based on the characters (principally another of the robbers, Buster Edwards) and events of the robbery.
Biggs was finally freed from prison in 2009 on compassionate grounds, after a series of strokes - Jack Straw, then Justice Secretary, saying he was not expected to recover - he then went on to emulate convicted Lockerbie bomber, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, living for a considerable time afterwards and well enough to attend the funeral of Bruce Reynolds, the heist's mastermind, flashing a 'V' for victory sign at the photographers.  Maybe it is best not to remember Biggs today (leaving that for his family), but rather Jack Mills, the train driver hit with an iron bar during the raid, who never worked again and died from his injuries seven years later.  Mick Whelan, general secretary of ASLEF, the train drivers' union, struck the right tone: "While, naturally, we feel sorry for Mr Biggs' family at this time, we have always regarded Biggs as a non-entity, and a criminal, who took part in a violent robbery which resulted in the death of a train driver.  Jack Mills, who was 57 at the time of the robbery, never properly recovered from the injuries he suffered after being savagely coshed by the gang of which Biggs was a member that night."

Alan Pardew stopwatch, again

Pardew, the nailed-on favourite to be the first to be ejected from his job this season, has seen another two managers bite the dust, as chairmen make up for the lack of Premier League sackings in November.  I think warmly of all those people who wagered money against Pardew losing it to the bookies.  Both West Bromwich Albion and Tottenham Hotspur sacking their managers were not massive shocks, but both were harsh, especially as Spurs were only a few points behind the top four, with a 100% record in Europe and into the quarter-finals of the League Cup.  Tim Sherwood now takes charge for tomorrow's match.
Of the League Cup tonight Manchester City had an easy win against Leicester City, as Manuel Pellegrini searches for his first trophy in Europe, never mind at Man City.  Chelsea manager José Mourinho said he could 'smell' the League Cup trophy but that's as tangible as it's going to get after another defeat in the north-east of England, this time at the dark place.  Maybe just as irritating, as it went to extra-time the Chelsea squad missed the pre-booked flight back to Gatwick that they had arranged, thinking the match would only last 90 minutes (with a Blues victory).

Incinerated

In advance publicity of the reviving of Birds of a Feather on ITV early in the New Year, Lawrence Marks has gone rather off-message in chronicling his fights with television executives.  One of his gripes was a line where one of the characters called another 'Australian' for being drunk, something the execs felt was 'racial stereotyping'.  Marks was incensed that this was censored yet other ITV content was so effusive in profanity that the air was blue enough to be mined as ersatz lapis lazuli  escaped condemnation.  Marks was right to be indignant - it may not be funny, but it is could only cause the mildest of offence ('Scouser' also fell foul of the ITV code).
The association of the Aussie and his 'tinnies' is well-worn, something much transmitted during cricket matches where heat, dehydration and virulent anti-Pom attitudes create bear-pits when England are the tourists.  It takes a particular kind of mentality from England to triumph in such conditions.  The current crop do not cut it.
Frankly it was ridiculous scheduling having The Ashes just five months after the last showdown and the English organisers who agreed to this should be ashamed of their brazen commercialism to the detriment of the national side, but the English Cricket Board have brass necks of enormous breadth.  Alastair Cook is a lacklustre captain, suffering like most England captains from a drop in batting totals while being totally deficient in knowing how to rouse obvious qualities from his team.  The fact that, prior to this tour, he had won more test matches than he had lost was testament to the ability of those around him to dig England out of holes of their own making.  That trick works only so many times.  Even in the promotion posters for the second round of Ashes 2013, whereas Australian captain Michael Clarke showed angry determination, Cook exuded smug complacency.
When a list of England's exhaustive dietary requirements was leaked to the Australian media, the obscurely refined nature of much of the menu was held up as to the effeminate poshness of the England team, as if the Australian cricketeers subsist on sausages and baked beans.  But England have done nothing to dispel this image by their naive selections and tactics.  When arrogance mixes with mediocrity, no amount of mung-bean curry can rectify the inevitable rubbish produced.
England won this summer 3-0 almost by default, producing only one great performance at Lords and then scraping by in the rest.  It put talk of beating the Aussies 5-0 here and by the same score Down Under into the shade and gave Team Australia (not that great a team in all honesty, yet inspired because it is England they are against) the confidence boost they needed.  Australia are already 3-0 up after just three tests and have regained The Ashes.  Now England need to avoid the miserable humiliation of seven years ago.  Peter Oborne suggested dropping the petulant, undisciplined 'stars' and playing the youngsters to bed them down for the future.  If England win or draw the first of the remaining two dead rubbers, then yes for the fifth test but it is now all about avoiding the dreaded 'w' calamity.  Unlike Cook, Clarke won't take his foot off the accelerator.  England may have to hope for a monsoon in the Australian summer.

A purge too far

It's tempting to think that Kim Jong-Un had a sneak peek at his Christmas presents and found his uncle's met with his displeasure, the spectacularly public purge of Jang Song Thaek owing to the latter's misjudgment about festive jumpers and Kim's hatred of them.  Now, after it emerges that uncle Jang has been executed, Kim's enmity towards this kind of garment was clearly exceptional.
Jang had been 'purged' twice in the past, his last rehabilitation as Kim Jong-Il made plans for the succession and sought out Jang as a kind of regent.  This was one purge from which Jang could not recover.  It appears that Jang has outlived his usefulness to Kim III - rather than 'a man for all seasons', Jang was 'a traitor for all ages' (though of course Sir Thomas More also suffered the tyrant's wrath).  Maybe Kim was forestalling Jang as Pharaoh Tuthmosis III failed to do with Hatshepsut (the one and only female Pharaoh - Cleopatra never had that title), though Tuthmosis had the excuse of being in a minority.  Some things never change.  After Hatshepshut died from cancer, Tuthmosis conducted a damnatio memoriae, where all mention of her reign that could be found was scrubbed through being too shameful to mention.  Jang is being cropped out or digitally removed from official pictures in North Korea with all the fervour that might be expected in 1984's Ministry of Truth.
Maybe Kim is still rocking from the attempted army coup last year in much the same way that Roman Emperor Commodus was scarred from a botched assassination attempt involving his own sister when he was only 19-years old - he went down as one of the worst, if not the worst, of all the Roman emperors through his depravity, brutality and insanity, yet not so mad as to mistreat the legions.  They were the only ones who mourned him.  Kim Jong-Un is continuing his father's 'military-first' policy, where the army get everything it needs while the populace starve or exist in grinding poverty, the juche ideology of his grandfather, Kim Il-Sung long since quietly discarded (despite North Korea's official website maintaining that "the masters of the revolution and construction are the masses of the people [who] are also the motive force of revolution and construction").
Uncles tend to be bad news for young dynasts.  Hittite King Mursili III tried to curtail the power of his uncle, Hattusili, the victor of Kadesh (the score draw battle with the Egyptians, that was a strategic reverse for the latter under Ramesses II, the Ozymandias of poetry).  This triggered a civil war from which the uncle, now Hattusili III emerged victorious.  In the early Ming period of China, Zhu Yunwen, the Jianwen Emperor, had a similarly peremptory attitude to the power and influence of his uncles, prompting one of them, Zhu Dhi, to sack the capital, Nanjing, with his troops (more than five centuries before the Japanese) and become the Yongle Emperor.  The Jianwen Emperor was never heard from again and his entire reign was voided from the Ming histories.
The USA isn't happy as the downfall of Jang is the herald of instability and it's got enough problems with Pakistan without another nuclear-armed state having a wobble, though technically North Korea's default state is to wobble more erratically than an out-of-kilter gyroscope.  Washington D.C. may have hoped fro Jang to have been a Brezhnevite 'stability of the cadres' figure as the power behind the throne.  Unfortunately, being behind the throne he could not see Kim's plans for the his own evisceration, a blow as swift as when Emperor Tiberius took out Sejanus, the commander of the Praetorian Guard.
Jang isn't the only unfortunate elite to perish at the hands of Kim, the latter favouring the route of Emperor Caracalla (who murdered his wife once in sole power) than Wills and Kate (inviting their ex-s to their wedding) by having a former girlfriend face the firing squad.  There has also been a major reorganisation of the army to weed out those who are not loyal to Kim.
North Korea's rhetoric is so hyperbolic as to give George Galloway a run for his dubiously sourced money.  Jang was "despicable human scum," "worse than a dog," who led a "dissolute, depraved lifestyle."  This Ruritanian backwater would be farcically funny were it not for the millions who died in preventable famines, the expanding network of gulags and the overwhelming abuse of humans rights, to say nothing of liberty, each and every day as a matter of national, capricious edict.

Out of the palms of babes

I once read a green (Green?) pamphlet about twenty years ago which posed the question "What is the most dangerous animal on Earth?"  Featured there were pictures of a lion and a shark and then inside the answer was revealed as a new-born baby (i.e. man).  As Kimberley grows up and can reach items previously beyond the scope of her reach, I can fully comprehend the power of inquisitive, destructive hands.  The combined might and genius of Julius Caesar, Hannibal, the Knights of St John on Malta and the entire British military machine under Queen Victoria were no match for my 15-month old toddler as they were wrenched from my bookcase to the floor, leaving them in a sorry state to be discovered by myself later on in the day.  These were the lightest tomes on the second shelf but all contents were promptly evacuated faster than Aden once their vulnerability and Kimberley's designs were clear.  The in-built book shelf closest to the door had been abandoned, in a manner not dissimilar to Agri Decumates (the part of the Roman Empire's Germania Superior province beyond the Rhine), months ago in the wake of similar depredations (not barbarian invasions but they might as well have been). Hopefully, by the time she can reach the third from bottom shelf, some maturity will have set in or at the very least violently decanting books from their resting place will have lost its cachet.

Needing a Virgil as a guide through this blizzard

When watching the motion picture 300 on DVD, I asked of my friends whether southern Greece in the Sparta region would have snow, as portrayed in an early scene.  Given that the film is about hyper-realism that may seem a mundane question but it should be forgivable as the movie had just begun to unfurl its style.  Jon Williams, who had an on-of relationship with a Greek girl for years said he knew the mountains of the north endured such weather.  Well, yesterday and today, it became apparent that the seat of Greek and Roman government and the Sublime Porte could indeed be engulfed by the white stuff despite being on the seafront, so it is entirely credible that Sparta could test the mettle of its young warriors in such conditions.
The climatic conditions in Istanbul became noteworthy because it forced the postponement to the next day of a crucial Champions League match between Galatasaray and Juventus.  Given that Gala supporters bring out banners saying 'Welcome to Hell', it could be said that the proverbial snowball had a very good chance of surviving.  The match was replayed again today from the point at which it was abandoned yesterday, though 'play' may be an exaggeration as Gala's solution to the blanket of snow was to deploy a tractor which ploughed in more ways than one, chewing up the pitch as if it was digging up a potato field.  On churned turf and in swirling snow, somehow a football match broke out, won for Gala by Wesley Sneijder scored from a Didier Drogba cross (what chance Drogba facing his ex-employers Chelsea in the Last-16?).  Carlos Tevez and Andrea Pirlo must now contemplate the exhausting Europa League in preparation for next year's World Cup.  Roberto Mancini has done with Gala what he could not with Manchester City and taken them into the knockout stages of the Champions League.  He will not face Man City given Manuel Pellegrini's incompetence in calculating goal difference when facing Bayern Munich, something that has hurt Man City (and South Africa's Bafana Bafana national team) in the past.  The phrases 'cold day in Hell' and 'when Hell freezes over' are utterly redundant after this match.

Reversion to Tudor times

About a decade ago, during the Sir Bobby Robson ascendancy, ahead of a match at Old Trafford for the Magpies, the commentator (still in the business I believe) said "Newcastle haven't won here since Tudor times, when John Tudor and Stewart Barraclough scored the winning goals."  That was all the way back in early 1972 but now Newcastle United have ended this horrendous hoodoo when former anti-hero Yohan Cabaye netted.  It wasn't a smash and grab raid though, Newcastle controlled the game and even had 53% possession.  The team even had the luck when Vurnon Anita was not penalised by an accidental handball (which is correct by the letter of the law) as lineswoman Sian Massey continued her brilliant decision-making, including correctly ruling a potential Robin van Persie effort offside  - I can only presume she has not become the person in the middle because of patronising chauvinism.  Man Utd have had more than their fair share of luck in the past, frequently scoring a wonder goal to break obdurate resistance from the Magpies.
There was a case to be made that if Newcastle couldn't beat Manchester United now, they never would.  On a bad run of league form, with Wayne Rooney and Michael Carrick injured, Sir Alex Ferguson not in the dugout and a distinctly average midfield, Man Utd were not exactly ripe for the taking but definitely beatable.  I would have thought the midweek defeat to Everton would have stung them into an angry response but Man Utd aren't that kind of side anymore.  Most of the attention was on opposing manager David Moyes but it must not be forgotten that Newcastle came very close to winning at this one-time fortress last year.  It wasn't just a poisoned chalice for Moyes to follow Sir Alex, but, having not signed a central midfielder from outside the club for seven years, a super-poisoned chalice with a cocktail of fatal ingredients.  Sir Alex built a dynasty but Moyes took over as it entered the phase of the latter Spanish Habsburgs.
The only blemish that can be argued is that Newcastle were wearing their lucky 'Brazil' third kit instead of the famous black-and-white stripes, so that in future clips, double-takes may need to be made before it sinks in to the mind.  Cabaye got his fifth booking of the season ruling him out of the next game but it was going to come sooner or later.  Overall though this is inconsequential in the long-run as finally, finally, Old Trafford has been successfully stormed and that is just delicious to savour.

Behind the scenes?

The air traffic chaos caused by the computer glitch that left the night (quiet) settings on when it was supposed to be switched off makes me wonder why this basic error happened.  On totaljobs.com, there was a glut of openings for air traffic controllers (within the job parameters I had set as I seek to move on from my current occupation), which makes me think that a slew of such professionals are to be laid off for not accepting pay cuts and thus are demob happy or their replacements are making the errors that all novices make when settling in to a new job.  Whoops!

There is a light and it never goes out

On the passing of Nelson Mandela, David Cameron said "a great light has gone out" but he was wrong (just as he was wrong to go on a 'fact-finding' mission paid for by a firm seeking to lift sanctions against apartheid South Africa).  A man may have died but the flame he has lit will live on down the generations, both in South Africa and abroad and in this way the song title by The Smiths seems more appropriate.  I was born 14 years after Dr Martin Luther King Jnr's assassination but his legacy is just as vibrant and important in my lifetime and today as it was when he was alive.  It will be the same with Mandela.
He was not a Moses for his oppressed people to a pharaonic racist white government but a man who could embrace all and knew the overwhelming need to show the example of forgiveness can be the best solution in conflict resolution.  The hope for new Mandelas (such as in Eritrea) was a false dawn, demonstrating what a truly remarkable man he was.  Yet Mandela himself will always remain an indelible example of fortitude and fairness and will provide much inspiration in the decades, even centuries, to come.

Stagnant statistics

On the day that Boris 'The Animal' Johnson is posed three IQ questions and fails to answer a single one of them correctly (I got two out of the three correct), proving that his argument that those with low IQ cannot be expected to succeed is bogus, the international league tables for maths, literacy and science are released, showing Britain inching ahead on maths (26th up from 28th in 2010 out of 65) and reading (23rd up from 25th) but falling slightly back on science (21st down from 16th).  But if we look at these so-called countries ahead of us three of them are part of China (as special economic zones Shanghai, Hong Kong and Macao) and one is technically Chinese (Taiwan).  There are tiny nations also (population-wise, roughly five million or less) such as Finland, Estonia, Ireland, Singapore and, above all, Liechenstein.  I hardly think Britain needs to fear a competitiveness challenge from the miniscule, landlocked Alpine state, that doesn't even have a capital city but a principal town such is its size.  That Britain has a population of three score million means that by bulk we produce more top students than the last five nations put together.
Of striking note is the performance of Vietnam, to be kind, an 'emerging market' that finishes in the top 20 on all three scales and always ahead of the UK  It has a population of more than 88 million, but its economy is still at a low base.  The UK's main competitors that are beating us are South Korea, Japan, Canada and Australia.  These are countries of sizeable populations with developed economies.  On each of the measures, we beat the USA, if only just and America is not worried about its research base as much as commentators on these isles are.  The UK will never top the list due to the incredible demands many Far Eastern parents place on their children to succeed (another measure has it that South Korea has the highest suicide rate in the industrialised world - not a list one wants to top), but certainly can skim around the top ten bracket if the right policies are adopted.  Teaching to the test instead of holistically may, ironically for all its perceived usefulness for parents judging schools, may be one of those policies holding British talent back.

Paul Walker RIP

I found the untimely death of Paul Walker in a cruel irony of a car crash (as a passenger) a heavy blow that I wouldn't normally feel for a typecast actor who is best known for one series of films.  I must say I only got into the Fast and the Furious franchise from the fifth film but Walker's performance was perfectly calibrated for an action vehicle that has its tongue in cheek.  He had left quite an impression for me, even though I seen him fully in only two movies (I have caught snatches of the original Fast and the Furious on TV).  40 years old is too young for anyone in the modern age and to be robbed of talents such as his in the prime of his life just makes his passing all the more sad.
Apparently, much of the latest installment, The Fast and the Furious 7, is in the can and the cast were going to finish off the shoot in Abu Dhabi in January.  Given that most Hollywood films aren't created in the same chronological order as the script, this will mount some considerable logistical problems, but, unusually, for Hollywood, reports said they are going to treat his character Brian O'Connor with respect to Walker.  I imagine that rules out drafting in another actor fully in the role but maybe not computer generation with an extra with behind the head shots (as was alleged with Oliver Reed in Gladiator).  My heartfelt commiserations go out to Walker's family and friends.

Forget November, enter December

When November periodically comes around, it like Comet Ison in footballing terms, cold weather for most of it with a brief heat of a managerial sacking as, almost like the Comet, a club manager hurtles too close to a burning P45, as Icarus-like, they fall into the oblivion of unemployment.  At least, that's what the lazy copy in newspapers proclaims when they want a quick filler for the pages.  But despite four managerial sackings over the weekend, three of them were in the Championship and of the three that occurred on Sunday, only one was from the Premier League.
Gary Flitcroft of Championship strugglers Barnsley got the boot on Saturday and Dave Jones of Sheffield Wednesday and Owen Coyle of Wigan Athletic were ordered to clear their offices on Sunday.  But as the clock ticked over at midnight on Saturday into a new month, Martin Jol of Fulham had made it, ensuring no Premier League managers were relieved of their posts throughout November, handing that particular statistic as Rooney-esque raking of studs down the back of the calf.
I had seen Fulham play live last season at Craven Cottage in mid-January, when the visitors just so happened to be Wigan, guided then by Roberto Martinez in all his immaculate tailoring and gleaming shoes.  Jol's team put in a good show for the first half, scoring from Giorgios Karagounis and seemingly capable of rattling much more into the opposition's net.  Wigan were relegation fodder and so it turned out come May.  In the second half, the Cottagers didn't know either to stick or twist - score a potentially match-defining second goal or hold on to what they had got.  Caught between two stools, they at first did not come unstuck but when Franco di Santo scored for the (incongruously monikered) Latics, Fulham trembled, gradually going ever more to pot.  By the end, Wigan were looking more likely to score a winner than Fulham were at stringing three passes together.  The grumbling crowd kept a lid on their emotions but on the blowing of the final whistle, sealing a 1-1 draw, many was the cry of "Jol out!"  At the time, as Jol trudged back to the changing rooms, he wore a sardonic grin of defiant pugnacity.
Ten and a half months later, the fans have their wish with the highly rated but unproven Rene Meulensteen completing his stalking brief and slipping seamlessly from Head Coach to Manager, after just two games.  Jol in the wake of his sacking was resigned to the inevitable, even to the point of saying better days lay ahead for Fulham (when this halcyon future would emerge was unclear).  He had been here before with Tottenham Hotspur, when in his last game in charge, everyone in the stadium knew he had been fired apart from him.  What could Fulham do that would top that?  Manhandle him out of Upton Park (the home of his ultimate nemesis West Ham) at half-time?
Noted managers have a habit of re-appearing on the managerial merry-go-round, despite the argument from the League Manager's Association saying that the majority never survive more than posting.  The more colourful ones can even make money for old rope as pundits, such is the saturation of football through pay-TV and terrestrial late-night highlights.  I like Jol as a person and he was honest enough to recognise the time was right to move on (with a hefty severance package, natch).  He might take some time away from the game before reappearing as a commentator on Dutch TV during the World Cup.  I believe wholeheartedl that, some managers have a use-by date where they cannot recapture their former glories, achieving mediocrity at best (George Graham at Leeds and Spurs and Kenny Dalglish at Newcastle and Liverpool for a second-time epitomise that).  It would be sad if Jol's career petered out like that.