The news today that Iceland is being fast-tracked into the EU by 2011 fills me with pleasure and a little sadness. Plucky Iceland was created out of a volcanic ridge and its economy seems to be descending back into the magma. It would have been better had it joined in more favourable conditions, but then again, maybe it never would have. It gives the EU another EU-sceptic member, but like Malta, maybe it's voice won't carry much extra weight. It's Scandinavian sister Sweden only joined the EU in the midst of a recession, with the banks on the brink of failure as now, but localised to the Swedes. It's no surprise that EU-sceptic Sweden is pushing for expansion, inclsuiding for Iceland - the wider the diversity, the harder the attempts to deepen integration. Iceland's accession will leave the EFTA as even more of a rump - Norway, Liechtenstein and Switzerland. At least, Iceland will be reined in with its fishing grounds - revenge for those Cod Wars, in addition to Britain seizing Icelandic banking assets under anti-terrorist laws. Ha-ha.

The Daily Telegraph made another boo-boo. Commenting on Barack H Obama accidentally trying to access the Oval Office through a full-length window, they showed a picture of George W Bush having a 'doorway malfunction' in Beijing. But that was so widely publicised how could they fail to remember it was Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. That's like saying an incident that happened in London took place in Paris. It's just incorrect. Unlike The Guardian though, the Telegraph doesn't have a Corrections and Clarifications feature, unfortunately.

The personification of flabbergasted

Boris Johnson, the elected Mayor of London, was given to his usual cheek-shuddering defiance last Sunday, as he was hauled over the coals about why he expected London taxpayers to foot his hotel bills when he attends party conferences. He said it was in his official capacity as mayor, but it was pointed out that government ministers pay their own way at party conferences. Then he backtracked further to say it wasn't prohibited by the rules to which he was told it was.
All of this was diverting him from his favourite subject which was building an airport in the Thames Estuary with all the attendant risk of bird strike and aircraft ditching in the water, to drift past City Hall (the glass bollock), their unsubmerged tipping wings pointing J'Accuse-style at the place that caused them to go into the drink, by building a runway in such an unfortunate position. So he wrapped it up, by saying "I don't think it is proscribed under the rules, but if it is proscribed then I will pay it back." The Daily Telegraph revealed that hacks are leaving university without a proper grip on the language, when the reporter covering the story quoted Johnson as saying 'prescribed'. This makes it sound as if the rules mandate it, rather than ban it. What would Samuel Johnson say?
Boris Johnson also pontificated on global matters in the newspaper which misquotes him, though knowing Boris, he might actaully have said 'prescribed', but his subject was particularly awkward - Barack Obama's presidential predecessor, George W Bush and how the latter was a blunderer. Pot, kettle, black spring to mind. Given the screen portrayals of the Roman Emperor Ahenobarbus, if Boris Johnson with his portliness and posturing replaced his scarecrow thatch with Mediterranean locks, one could easily imagine him as the Nero of London. Boris is no murderer (that we know of) and he is an unknown quanity on the harp, but he is a Class-A buffoon with a dark side in a position of power. What a sterling choice the elctors of London made! Who will follow Boris? Russell Brand? What a hoot that would be!
So far Boris has made no lasting impact because all the deputies he appoints keep dropping like flies through scandal, but in this country he is an embarrassment to London. When he goes abroad, he is an embarrassment to this country. At the totalitarian Olympics in Beijing, he insulted the hosts twice by refusing to conform to sartorial conduct (maybe because his size prevents him from buttoning up his jacket) and then rambling on about table-tennis which was really according to his waffle "wiff-waff" (or possibly he has an occasional lisp and was talking about the poor). On can hardly imagine Michael Bloomberg of New York or countless mayors of major cities behaving like that, but then Bloomberg and the others carry themselves with dignity, they have sophistication, rather than acting like the clown, which maybe fine on a TV show, but not in high politics. Boris comes from the upper-crust, but he has no class.

A hint of amnesia

It is said that as you get older and dementia sets in, you remember faraway distant events of the past, but struggle to conjure up what happened recently. Far be it of me to suggest Michael Palin is succumbing to a condition linked to old age, but his "Around the World in Twenty Years," seemed to sum up the symtpoms of such a condition succinctly.
Although referring to a rather snazzy portable computer to give us a flavour of what happened 20 years ago, Michael Palin serenely careered around the Middle East and the west coast of India, in his affable style, as if the world hadn't changed much in two decades. When it came to Bombay, however, with November's terrorist attack probably fresh in anyone with an interest in the wider world, I expected at least a postscript commentary on the slaughter. After all, what did Palin visit? First of all, the Taj Hotel, iconic with its smoudlering interior last November, plus Cafe Leopold which was turned into a bloodbath and even the train station concourse where dozens were gunned down. As Palin strode the halls of the Taj hotel, I couldn't help but see Indian commandos advancing as they reeled off more automatic fire, amidst smoke and flames. As Palin chatted to a Bollywood producer in Cafe Leopold, the red blotches on the floor and upturned tables were pertinent in my imagination. The concourse I saw a terrfied charging mass, rather than the organised chaos of everyday life. But none of this was mentioned.
Maybe the producers felt even to refer to it in passing would sully the sunny disposition of the programme or they didn't have time within the show to add it in, but that made the programme frankly bizarre, as if existing in a parallel universe, with Palin the perennial traveller looking rather ill-informed, with not so much as a voiceover intoning over his perambulation. Post-production had a month to come up with something, but slipped in failing to do so, seemingly as tired as Palin looks these days. The travelogue was shown after Christmas, but it's been on my mind for a while and I'd like to get it off. The BBC has got a lot of stick, much of it undeserved from people who will not be happy until they are dancing on the grave of all publicly-funded bodies, but here the BBC deserves some criticism for this oversight.

Camelot regained

It's a new dawn, it really is a new day. the nightmare has fled, having been chased away/ by the forces of light in bright array. Sorry for the cod poetry (the form was never my forte), but this is a new chapter in not just American history, but world history. The rabid right-wing may believe it presages the Apocalypse, but they would have said that about any Democrat president and, anyway, isn't that, in their interpretation of faith, what they want? But no, a majority of Americans are facing up to the problems swirling around them - an imbalanced and debt-laden, creeping, seemingly inexorable climate change and resurgent hostile states taking advantage of the USA's weakness. This is in addition to shedding the shabby image of America abroad and healing the body of the US constition which has been so grievously abused over the last eight years. That the American people's choice of leader of the free world (and much else besides) is black - let's not quibble, he is - is so much the better. Barack Obama allows us to look to the future with tangible hope for the first time in the best part of a decade.
Apart from the Chief Justice fluffing his lines (the man another awkward legacy of Obama's predecessor) and so throwing the man he was swearing in, the day went like a dream. I thought that with a day or two left Dick Cheney might have George Bush assassinated, take over and declare martial law and a state of emergency to prolong the corrupt rule he has so often personified. In the end, the strongman had to be carted out of the White House in a wheelchair, having injured his back while packing. A fitting end. Bush helicoptering away back to the stone he crawled out from under is such a poignant reminder of another president 25 years ago, whose name is blackened in history. Some sycophants have tried to drum up support for the previous administration's misrule, twisting or ignoring facts, posing only the most optimistic of outlooks and generally abusing all those who disagree - a bit like the conduct of the Bush administration. Funny that.
Obama gave a very muscular speech which was a direct challange not just to North Korea and Iran, but also China and Russia. To paraphrase "your people will remember you more for what you build than what you destroy" I felt was a clear reference to the war in Georgia. Being a Democrat it most definitely was not aimed at Israel, nor was his opposition to those who "slaughter innocent civilians... to achive their aims," though Hamas could well be in his sights. But in Obama we face more of an honest broker in the Middle East - the trouble is only when both sides accuse him of bias towards the other side will he have achieved that, but peace needs to be more lasting than that.
All in all, there are so many worldwide woes, it will be never less than interesting in the path that Obama takes in attempting to solve them.

Nature at work

In the new apartment that Altaa and I live in, we have a splendid view of the garden of the property. It is just so relaxing and looking out at the birds hopping and fluttering around. Our downstairs neighbour has put out a circular yellow tray of bird feed. With the red bits sprinkled on top of it, I initially thought someone had lobbed a frozen pizza into the garden. Today, a hierachy among the birds was in evidence.
I'm no twitcher, but while I ate my breakfast, I watched two pigeons land and scare away a blackbird who had taken an interest in the easy pickings. The blackbird hopped away, loitering a safe distnace from the interlopers. As the pigeons pecked away, a punk swooped down, a proverbial cat among the piegons. He had incredible yellow feathery streaks emanating from his eyebrows and sparking right off his head and looked quite streetwise. The pigeons waddled around a foot or two away from the banquet while their vanquisher ate his fill. Appetite sated, the punk flew away and the piegons, allowing a few seconds to elapse to make sure he didn't return, returned to the feast. Eventually, these grey birds decided that they had scoffed enough breakfast and took wing away.
All this time, the blackbird, who had been rooting around in leaves for insects fruitlessly (literally) saw that good things come to those who wait and finally got to enjoy the food laid out for his flying kind.

Yesterday, on my way to work, I saw this Royal Mail van from quite a distance down the road. As I pulled up alongside it, it still had no movement, yet the exhaust was chundering away. Peering into the cab from the pavement, I saw this young driver, head propped up on arm that reted on steering wheel, fully asleep. Now, our immune system needs an average of eight hours sleep to remain healthy. That's nature for you. You can also see why the government is so willing to sell off parts of Royal Mail.

Further along, walking along the verge of the Great Lines, near the radio tower mast, I saw a cat crouching in the grass, poised and ready to pounce. I looked along its line of vision and there, eating his nuts, was a grey squirrel, unsuspecting that he was being stalked. I thought about disturbing both creatures to save the squirrel, but I plumped to allow nature to work its course. The cat sprang into action, through the wiry fence and caught the squirrel in and among the brown leaves (where the cat was actually better camouflaged). A tussle ensued. The squirrel managed to spring itself from the cat's snares - sometimes cats are not ruthless enough, wanting some play first - and darted over the gate, scrambling up a nearby tree with no low-lying branches. The cat clung to the base of the tree with all four paws and attendant claws, staring intently at its escaped prey. Nature doesn't pick sides about who's going to win.

It's a knockout and not just the format

Ah, the magic of the FA Cup and Gillingham provided stern opposition for Aston Villa, as other lower lights shined against supposed superiors, but the competition will need wizardry if it is not to be damaged by ITV’s highlights package. Once again, ITV’s got some choice football rights and they’ve gone and bollixed it up again, as they did with the Premiership’s best bit’s a few years ago. People want to see Cup giant-killing. What do ITV do? Show Derby squeak through against non-leaguers Forest Green 4-3. Hmm. Okay, plenty of goals. Now to the Cup upsets. But Nottingham Forest beating Manchester City away by three goals to nil, Southend drawing with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge and Hartlepool doing Stoke - all being given only thirty seconds each - it’s a disgrace. That’s no better than an ordinary news bulletin. If I was a Nottingham Forest fan, I would be sick to my stomach. I’m outraged as it is. You can’t imagine the BBC being caught short like this.
What do ITV deign to show more extensively - humdrum wins for Everton and Liverpool and indeed more extended highlights of a game that was called off before a ball was kicked. The producers lack the sense of priority that a five year-old would possess. Of course, I was gratified that they showed good coverage of Hull City versus Newcastle United’s actually rather interesting 0-0 draw, but even here I have reason to carp, since they promised to show it after one advertising break, but then went through an entire footy session and a further ad period before getting round to it, thus keeping me in limbo waiting - either the incompetence of ITV rearing its head further or insensitivity to viewers in keeping them hanging on. I’ve known Channel 4 News pull the same sneaky trick and 4 News’ parent company is ITN, prime suppliers of news to ITV. Furthemore, when we do get to see more than a soupcon of a match, a tally of the scorers is not displayed, only the latest to bundle it into the net.
And you think tactical analysis is limited on the BBC? It’s non-existent on ITV, apart from for the Liverpool-Preston NE game and even then Alan Curbishley is talking twaddle, such as saying that Fernando Torres overtakes Steven Gerrard to score the second goal. If he had done that, with no defender back in front of goal, he would have been offside. Instead, he is onside when Gerrard passes square- that’s square, Curbs, not diagonally forwards - to him.
Many think that the Premier League has sold out and that the FA Cup gets football back to its roots. Well, the Football Association has sold out their premier cup competition by giving the highlights package to ITV. The BBC must be laughing their socks off at their rival’s disastrous handling of the roundup. The BBC has no divine right to always show the FA Cup, but this immensely strengthens its hand when the next deal is negotiated. I am really disappointed by this TV package. The FA Cup has been damaged by this putrid broadcasting.
The next day, Gillingham took on Aston Villa at the Priestfield stadium. ITV couldn’t mess live coverage so much, but they did open with “The FA Cup belongs to Nottingham Forest.” Could have fooled me. In terms of play, the Villa were more incisive when going forward, while Gillingham largely dominated the match - a draw would have been fair. The Gills could have done with a lucrative replay at Villa Park, but after equalising the Villains opener with a sweet shot from Simeon Jackson, once of Rushden and Diamonds, Gillingham unfortunately conceded a soft penalty, which James Milner tucked away with aplomb, adding to his first and on his birthday too.
I was surprised that the draw for the fourth round was made almost immediately after the match, given that their were still two matches yet to played, but then it was part of a further snub to this august competition. TV money counted more. Thus the FA Cup is devalued further by making the draw before all ties that could have been played for the first time have been if the tie was possible to play. Romance takes a further hit.
On a more recent note, ahead of the clash between Manchester United and Chelsea at Old Trafford, BBC Five Live interviewed Graeme le Saux. He said “it won’t be 7-7, even though we all hope it will be.” 7-7 sound exactly like 7/7, a gaffe that the former Chelsea player would wince at were he to hear it again.

New Year, old times

A New Year and a new president of the USA is just over a week away, promising to start America’s reputation anew. But I’d like to start with something from last year that I’d like to chronicle - the carol service in Rochester. Altaa and I only went to Rochester by chance, turning up merely to see the old city by night. However, this night was the special evening when many dressed up in Victorian/Dickensian clothes and processed up and down the High Street. It was wonderful, even the ancient fire engines. This Dickens Christmas Carol finished up in front of the cathedral, compered on stage by the genial Deacon of Rochester. Many of the old classics got an airing, as ‘snow’ fluttered down on us - that snow being pumped out by a large tower as shredded washing-up foam - amusing in its artificiality. The surprise of the treat added to its fun. Indeed, a great night out.