Further miscellany

Just a few things I have picke dup this week.
Apparently, Radio Three concerts have found a way of stopping people coughing while the recording is taking place. It's a lozenge which, as they say, takes the 'cough' out of Tchaicovsky. The sweets are even wax-wrapped to ensure no rustling as they are opened and thus total silence during the performance. The lozenge has been manufactured since the 1930s, so it's not an entirely new invention. Over the years they must always have had a guaranteed and large order-book for deliveries first to Highbury stadium and now the Emirates ground at Ashburton Grove.

News comes that the Obama's have chosen their dog for the White House, rewarding theier children for putting up with the elction campaign and the disruption of moving to Washington D.C. The Portuguese water dog is apparently a type of poodle and while Barack Obama has tried to make a clean break with his predecessor (such as thankfully handing back the bust of Winston Churchill, whose ideas were so wilfully misused and miscontrued), this is one tradition he is keeping, finding an ideal replacement for Tony Blair.

Finally, while watching Masterchef this week (which produces such marvellous food, but always makes you wonder what you are missing out on with the ordinary nosh eaten by 95% of people), they served some aristocracy and Olympians at a horse trial event. Zara Phillips remarked in front of the cameras "We are really quite privileged." Well don't make it sound like a surprise - you're the Queen's granddaughter, you were born into privilege. It's what you expect. That aside, Zara still is a classy Royal - one that transcends the stuffiness of an age-old institution. Masterchef itself is the televisual equivalent of a richly indulgent pudding - great TV.

Another step from sci-fi to sci reality

It was revealed today that in the not too distant future, Japanese firm Toshiba will be able to produce TV wallpaper. For me, it sounds a ghastly idea, yet probably is the logical progression of flat-screen TV adavnces. Television wallpaper reminds one of the same invention in Fahrenheit 451 that was used to neuter any discontent of the masses while their leaders took them into apocalyptic wars, by immersing them in an inescapable virtual reality - a place that the main protagonist of Fahrenheit 451 fails to persuade his wife to leave. Therefore, for me, television wallpaper is inherently creepy.

Torture? What torure?

The Pentagon report into alleged abuses at the detention facility has predictably reiterated the same line as it did all the previous years to Barack Obama's presidency - which is hardly surprising given that they have the same boss (Robert Gates) and Obama is only a month into his presidency. There is no mention of degrading and demeaning treatment, just a few recommendations such as, say, have a few more cushions around the place or having an extra 15 minutes for lunch.
I jest, but the whitewash is suspiciously similar to something controversial almost 50 years ago. The CIA was secretly training Cuban exiles in Nicaragua - to overthrow Fidel Castro - of whom about only 10 per cent had previously been regular soldiers in the army. It had started under Dwight D. Eisenhower, but John F. Kennedy was suspicous about the project he had inherited upon becoming president and about the CIA assurances. So he sent a respected marine colonel down to Central Amercia to assess the recruits and report back to him. The colonel gave a glowing review, which was as praiseworthy as it was inaccurate of the ragbag collection of troops. Kennedy was still uncertain of the merits of the mission and the fighting qualities, but he called the CIA's bluff, providing no direct military intervention when the Bay of Pigs became a disaster.
So here we are back in Cuba again. Yet Obama is wise enough to commission several reviews, including one under his forceful attorney general. Taking the Pentagon on their word has led to too many tragedies over the past eight years.

Of the media at the moment, I am really enjoying on TV 'Hustle and at the cinema 'Slumdog Millionaire'. The appeal of 'Hustle' is trying to guess how they set up the scam, plus the acting skills of those involved. I can't believe it's been going five series now and yet still seems so fresh. Adrian Lester oozes charm (only once in the last episode going on autopilot), with Philip Glenister slipping effortlessly into character as a diamond-in-the-rough fella and it's always good to see Robert Vaughan in legitimate employment (even if his latest persona is not). The newcomers of Kelly Adams and ex-Strictly Come Dancing finalist Matt di Angelo add sparkle, but given that they are suppoosed to have worked their way up from the streets, Adams' normal accent is quite bizarrely cut-glass, even if di Angelo's ingenue naivety was recently explained.
One thing I don't get is that, unlike The Sting, they quite brazenly at times show their faces and walk away with the lolly, without any hint that they pretend they are killed off. You might imagine this would create a rich list of victims who would be desperate to get their revenge and this indeed provided the plot line for the last episode, but it is rather cavalier.
In the second episode I was quite pleased to work out their thought processes. Like a magician's sleight of hand, it is always about creating the illusion by distracting the audience (and the greedy bastards in the show). The macguffin was that a picture could not be moved because of a new security system. Well, if you can't move it, then what do you do - you cover it up. That was gratifying. Being an employee of Telegraph Announcements, I spotted something that would never happen. One of the villains placed a notice in the Daily Telegraph saying "Have you been conned" with their name and telephone number. Now I know for a fact, that we would have to pass such an announcement to the legal department, who from my previous experience in dealing with them, would be highly unlikely to allow such a contentious ad to be printed.

As for 'Slumdog Millionaire' it is a brilliant film, bouncing from the vibrancy of Mumbai with plenty of characterisation intermingled with the action and the sights of northern India. Based around the format of India's Who Wants to be a Millionaire (and given the shadiness surrounding it, I will never quite look at the British version in the saem way again), it tells how a boy from the slums with next to no formal education knows the answers to the questions, from which we hear how he grew up. Setting the film in 2006 seems oddly superfluous - I can only presume it was because one of the questions involved contemporary cricketers regarding scoring centuries, one of whom might have gone on to have recorded a glut of 100 runs in the future. Given that the hero can explain the questions using chapters of his own hard life (I particularly liked his extrapolation of an Eastenders storyline while working as a teaserver in a callcentre class - something recognisable for the British market), I guessed correctly that he would not have a clue about the last answer - ironically, what with the clues the film had provided along the way. But I didn't know what the outcome would be. Just because of the title, there's no guarantee that he would become a millionaire (the Indian version has no safety points - it's all or nothing), merely that he appeared on the show. Drama, however, courses through the veins of this film from start to finish, with even a sop to Bollywood at the end, with a dance routine. The film was onto a winner by being mainstream yet opening our eyes to the oridnary (and extraordinary) side of a city most of us have never visited.

Last woman standing

Brilliant piece of crazy news:

Beauty contest for rival mistresses.
A Chinese buisnessman has reportedly held a beauty contest which of his five mistresses to keep after becoming unable to afford them all because of the credit crisis.
Names only as Mr Fan and said to be from Quingdao on the east coast, he invited the women, who had all been told of each other's existence, to dinner, according to a local newspaper.
Aided by a friend, who worked for a model agency and inspired by reaility television shows, he then laid on a competition for them.
One woman was eliminated during a 'looks round' and two more, who worked as clerical officers in Mr Fan's company, during a speeach round. The final round of the contests was reportedly a drinking competition.
The story, which was reported in the Peninsula Metropolitan News, came to light after the first mistress to be eliminated took the other women and the businessman for a drive - during which she drove over a cliff in an act of revenge.
She was the only one who died.

It used to be the case that people would say 'only in America' but with the People Republic's strides to superpower status, increasingly it can be said 'only in China'. Even a version of Thelma and Louise, but with the woman not exactly showing soldiarity with her female brethren (or maybe she was just jealous of their 'looks'). To add insult to injury (or rather fatal injury to insult), she was the only of the group she intended to kill to perish. Even irony, what more could one want?

Hooks being slung

Tony Adams and Big Phil Scolari both gone, within 24 hours of each other. Who would have thought that Chelsea would be following Portsmouth's lead in pretty much anything football? I've never rated Adams as a manager since he took over at a stable Wycombe Wanderers and got them relegated. I'm not even sure he's a born No. 2. He's a decent man, but MOTD2 may be his natural stomping ground - Martin Keown knew what he was doing by rebuffing an attempt by Adams to sign him to the coaching staff.
The rot had set in before Adams took charge. He's also been unlucky, with the club being put up for sale, no money for transfers, while decent players are sold on and injuries blight the squad. But he's become the worst manager in Portsmouth's history and that has to be down to him somewhat. If his team had held out another five minutes against Liverpool and won, he's still be in a job; however, the great defender could not inspire his charges to stand firm and Portsmouth are now 16th in the table and ins eriosu danger. When he suceeded Harry Redknapp and the Pompey faithful were singing "Tony Adams' Blue and White Army" I thought it a little ominous that they were placing such whole-hearted belief in a man with such a lousy managerial track record.
Big Phil is a surprise though. Chelsea have been stagnating for a few months now, but I thought the Champions League was the overwhelming priority rather than winning the Permier League. Obviously the slide to fourth place is something that could not be tolerated for a team like Chelsea, still smarting at being perceived as parvenus. If Avram Grant got the sack for getting Chelsea to the League Cup Final, the Champions League Final and finishing second on the last day of the season, then the Blues would not allow anything less to be rewarded with extra time. Engalnd finally has its victory over Scolari, but it's a shame he wasn't allowed to prove himself in the European knock-out stages. Now Ray Wilkins, previous job Watford, is now in charge of one of the world's biggest clubs - for sure that won't be for long. Chelsea will go Dutch - Frank Rijkaard or Guus Hiddink.

ITV cock-up again

I didn't comment on it yesterday because I was waiting for the outcome of ITV's response. Michael Grade publicly apologised for the mistake which wasn't his fault (he's been putting out fires since he joined from the BBC). But ITV sport showed 118 minutes of barren football and, seeing penalties imminent, tried to sneak an ad break in, unfortunately them, just as the winning goal was scored. Steve Ryder claimed it was a technical error, but that would never have happened on the Beeb (the only time the Beeb lost coverage was when their Austrian provider, giving coverage to almost all Europe during Euro 2008, failed as a massive flash thunderstorm hit Vienna and even then they had recourse to their sister Radio Five).
To try and emphasise it was a technical error rather then crafty scheduling, as they committed the latter with Formula One Grand Prix in the climatic race of that season, an ad for a music album appeared for two seconds before going back to the football. This undermines Grade's apology that it was an automatic advert scheduler in times of normal programming - so why did it recur within a minute, if panicked ITV execs had permanently restored live feed?
ITV not only missed the goal, but their cameras also missed the red card handed out, we only being informed of the Liverpool player's dismissal through commentary, with a belated playback of the cards being shown. Those Leeds fans who grabbed the pitchside microphones after the sceond round of matches and bellowed "ITV are shit," were so right.
This has not just been an embarrassment for ITV but the Football Association too. It was the FA who threw a hissy fit when the BBC expressed the most mildest of criticism of the England team during the 2006 World Cup and so awarded the FA rights to ITV as punishment to the BBC. ITV has committed blunder after blunder in this season's FA Cup. The BBC will almost certainly regain the rights when they next come up for renewal.