Elementary, Watson? Certainly

The new Sherlock Holmes film is ridiculous rot and frequently stupid, ironic give its eponymous hero, but it jollies itself along at a fair lick if you're in the mood. In the argot of the director, Guy Ritchie, it's 'alwight', but for someone who presents himself as an insider into the Cockney world, he should not have let the Thames be deeper or wider than it really is in central London. One example of idiocy is Watson receiving horrendous shrapnel wounds - having somehow survived walls and barrels exploding either side of him - yet fighting unimpaired a few hours later (he's not Wolverine). It takes elements of the Young Sherlock Holmes movie with Egyptian cults and so forth, but with all the conjuring tricks (all explained by the end) it is a little like an episode of Jonatahn Creek with Hollywood-budget CGI effects. Also, with the modern vogue for incomprehensible action scenes, at least it expresses what is to occur in slow motion (through Holmes' logic) before launching into the rapid-cut sequences, though as the film goes on, the director seems to lose interest in this technique. Though not a bad film, the scariest part of it left the way open for a sequel.

While not as good as Only Fools and Horses, the prequel Rock and Chips (shown last night) certainly puts The Green, Green Grass out to pasture. Whereas The Green, Green Grass was perpetually struggling against rigamortis, one part okayish, next part terrible, Rock and Chips doesn't go all out for comedy and overall was quite touching, with all the knowing post-modern winks that Onnly Fools and Horses fans will recognise and appreciate. Probably shouldn't go beyond this appearance but is no doubt a pilot. At least the original OFAH can be kept separate if one so chooses.

That sure is a good pot of coffee

I saw former president Bill Clinton in an aid appeal/interview for Haiti on Newsnight yesterday. Hearing it was the BBC - THE BBC - he probably thought he would go out on one of the main bulletins of the day, rather than Newsnight which only garners a million viewers. Watching him speak, I felt something was missiing from his personality, something he was hiding from us. Such as "There is complete devastation here," in my mind, he continued "but look on the bright side, they can still serve me cups of coffee." Since that book Game Change, I look at him differently. Despite the increase in equal opportunities during his tenure, I don't think African-Americans view him anymore as 'our first black president' and not just because of Barack Obama, but because of what Hillary's husband said about Obama. Ol' Bill still oozes charisma, but its now as black as oil to me - maybe Clinton expects it to serve him coffee too.

Oh, but you have soiled my petticoat with gore!

Finished the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies the other week (and before the product placement of the New York Times bestseller in the latest series of Heroes). It is a most pelasing and ingenious way of inserting a horror genre into a classic of English literature. Consistent reference to the blood-spattering of the undead (or the prejudiced), as such a hybrid needs, does begin to pall after a while but as the narrative picks up it ceases to be obtrsuive in a manner as to exasperate.
Written generally in American English, particulars of the original occasionally survive, notably the vowel 'u' as in 'honour' or parlour'. Having not familiarised myself with Jane austen's work in its unadluterated state beyond acknowleding its existence, it was perpetually intriguing to know how the fresh intrusion had changed it.
Lapses occur essentially only towards the end as in the case of Kilkenny, which, for a sojourn of not more than two mentions, inexplicably becomes Kilkerry, before reverting to its first calling. Also, Bingley's name is cardinally misspelt and one of the picture sketches details three dispatched ninjas (and before the appointed time before they were thus rendered, at that) when the narrative dictates merely a pair. All the same, such a judicious merger has induced me to engage with the fare more precipitiously than otherwise I might have done.
His discusson points, redolent of Eng Lit seminars he undoubtedly atttended are suffused with impropriety yet without the attendant fizz of scandal. Removed from the received tongue of England ca. 1800, his modern colonial touch is as barbarous as anyone of breeding would suspect, the unwelcome postscript falling somewhat unconscionably flat. While Britain of austen is in the birth throes of an Industrial Revolution, with iron a key constituent, this is an ironic bridge too far. Editorially, it should have been 'dropt'. But we must not dwell on a mere two pages for the inestimable pleasure provided by the previous three hundred and eighteen. Hopefully, many more will take Austen - whose narrative drive remains the heart of the novel - as a result of this innovation.

It takes a European tribunal to reach the obvious conclusion when we merely obfuscate. The Dutch have ruled that the Iraq war was illegal under international law (and the Dutch were supposedly part of 'New Europe'). The Chilcot Inquiry will no doubt disappoint because it's not going to pass a judgement on the rights and the wrongs, just the lessons (how many times though have the lessons of history been ignored or abused, as in the acse of the Iraq War - it's a fatuous excuse by an Inquiry composed of neo-liberal interventionists). Watching Charlie Falconer (he's a lord, but there's nothing noble about his conduct) on Newsnight trot out the same lies he did seven-eight years ago in defence of Alistair Campbell's untruths (and in the process trashing Sir Jonathan Meyer who has now 'seen the light') was distinctly Swiftian. No wonder Paxman looked like he was suffering from deja vu.

Re-release for Simon and Garfunkel

With events in Northern Ireland, Here's to you Mrs Robinson, you have destroyed your husband's career. Peter Robinson has 'temporarily' stepped down as First Minister but not in an Ivan IV 'The Terrible' way over superstition that in a particular year the monarch of Russia would die so he placed a proxy on the throne before 'resuming' his position once the year was over. No, Peter Robinson only has a month and a half before the Assembly must be dissolved. And here's to you from Mrs Robinson, substantial favours, both financial and sexual, to a man forty years her junior. Honestly,

So, the Burj Dubai (AKA Burj Khalifa) is finally open, taller than even the most vertiginous of radio masts (still standing that is, the most extreme of skyscraping masts collapsed in Poland in 1990 - when it fell it began its descent in Soviet Russia - no, only kidding). You can see right across the Persian Gulf from the top. Well, at least their will be a good vantage point for watching the forthcoming war between Iran and the USA.