The glue factory is fired up again

Finally, after nearly seven months, Newcastle United have a permanent head coach (not a manager).  Yet Steve McClaren represents a like-for-like replacement for Alan Pardew and the stodgy football served up as Middlesbrough threatens to come to Tyneside.  Indeed, Teesside was jokingly referred to as 'Steve McClaren's glue factory' in eery echoes of Animal Farm. Let us not forget that this was a man who said "we'll take the positives out of it" from a game where his Boro were thrashed 7-0 by Arsenal.
Sure, he has won trophies in the past, home and abroad but Pardew won the Johnstone's Paint Trophy so both had a sense of cup final success.  Indeed, the decisive penalty that led to Boro winning the League Cup against Bolton Wanderers in 2004 should have been re-taken after two touches were made (even if accidentally) before it ended up in the goal.  McClaren's run to the UEFA Cup Final was improbable and thrilling, often waiting for the opponents to go three goals up in the tie before staging a comeback through players less has-beens and more never-weres.  They were crushed 4-0 in the final.  McClaren only got the England job because Luiz Felipe Scolari turned it down - I remember the palpable reluctance in his appointment at the time, not in him, rather the rest of nation.  Scolari's blow-out in his second stint with Brazil suggest England may have had a lucky escape, especially as after turning down England, Scolari wound up at Chelsea where he didn't last a season (partially through refusing to station defenders on goalposts for corners - a source of great bounty for opposing sides).  But England were lacklustre against national sides of any real merit, ultimately losing 3-2 to Croatia at Wembley, when they only needed a draw to progress to the 2008 European Championship, as McClaren sheltered under an umbrella.
After the brolly imbroglio, McClaren went abroad.  His first spell in charge of Twente FC in the Dutch Eredivisie saw them finish second and then win the Netherlands top flight the following season.  But Dutch club football has been in a trough for a long time and McClaren's travails at top-flight German side Wolfsburg saw him ousted within half a season.  Back at Twente, like the second marriage of Richard Burton and Liz Taylor, it was doomed from the outset.
After protests by Aston Villa fans, McClaren's return to English football had to start in the second tier.  A disastrous time with Nottingham Forest saw him in the wilderness again before long.  Readmitted to polite society as a coach under Harry Redknapp at Queen's Park Rangers, he jumped ship to helm Derby County after Nigel Clough was given the heave-ho at the iPro Stadium (formerly Pride Park, where little pride has been seen).  A barnstorming season almost got Derby promoted automatically before they undeservedly lost in the play-off final to QPR.  Again in pole position to go up without complications this February, Derby collapsed, Newcastle Utd-style, winning two games in twelve and finishing outside even the play-offs.  McClaren got sacked.
He has now come to St James' Park after a thoroughly underwhelming career as a number one.  It's a victory for chief scout and de facto director of football Graham Carr, preserving his own power base and privileges.  McClaren also has the benefit of being a free agent, like Pardew on his appointment on Tyneside, with no compensation required.  I would have much preferred Patrick Vieira, who may have been unproven but was worth the risk, especially as he had contacts throughout Europe, had described St James Park as his favourite stadium and would have been the marquee signing needed to reinvigorate the club.  He could have flopped like Ruud Gullit but equally he may have thrived like Kevin Keegan (who was similarly inexperienced, Newcastle being his first managerial job).  But Vieira wanted control over player transfers and Carr prevailed, leaving the board to treat the respected Manchester City academy manager in the shameless way for which they have become renowned.  It was even said that Vieira was used as a pawn to speed up McClaren's decision-making about signing.
After the fifth-placed finish, Alan Pardew's win rate at Newcastle was 32.4%.  McClaren's at Middlesbrough was around 30%.  Newcastle won't get relegated with McClaren but they won't aim for the stars (even if reaching them is unlikely) and it remains to be seen whether McClaren is allowed to play strong sides in cup competitions.  The mission statement is to finish in eighth place after three years - how underwhelming.