Mendacity the Magical Scot

From T.S. Eliot's poem, Macavity the Magical Cat:
Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime – Macavity's not there!

Macavity could easily be the feline version of the felicitous Alex Salmond, all bombast and evasions who gets his minions to do his bidding, except that as Salmond's a human we can call him ol' flatulent Mendacity, the man whose hot air could launch a thousand Zeppelins on London (as the leader of SNP during World War Two would no doubt approve).  He is not the current leader of the SNP, nor is he the leader of the SNP in the House of Commons (he is foreign affairs spokesman) yet here he is, popping up on the breakfast programme on Radio Five Live this morning to decry the agreed deal for new powers to Holyrood.  It was just around the same time Thought for the Day would have been on Radio 4 and it was no less bluff and bluster than many offerings there.
He said that almost all of Scotland was behind the SNP because they had won 56 out of 59 constituency seats at Westminster.  A brazen  misrepresentation as only 50% of Scottish people had voted for the SNP but the vagaries of first-past-the-post had created the near equivalent of a one-party state north of the Border.  This is the same man who during the independence referendum lied about having specialist legal advice about an independent Scotland automatically acceding to the European Union, used public money to fight Freedom of Information requests to obtain this 'advice' and then ignored the revelation when exposed.  He refused to answer legitimate questions about a future independent Scotland and blackballed media organisations that did not simper up to him.  And for a great socialist, he dined with Rupert Murdoch to obtain Rupe's support - any principles sacrificed on the altar of political expediency and grasping.  This should have discredited him from standing for the seat of Gordon but the SNP is so Teflon to its supporters that all scandals are the creation of the Westminster and media establishment, rather than disturbing facets of their representatives.  Salmond saw himself as an Ataturk of his nation but ended up the busted flush of a Bonnie Prince Charlie or should that be Big Time Charlie.
He has created a culture within the SNP where it is acceptable to be smug and bullying and insufferable.  Whether his successor, Wee Jimmie Krankie, can change that is one thing and whether she wants to is another matter - my introduction to her at a forum debate in Scotland was "What's wrong with being chippy?"  Maybe that's why the SNP are so humourless (except with viciously cruel jibes at their 'opponents', wherever they are) because they are beyond parody.  It is said that successful political parties are broad churches but what has been established is the Church of the SNP with the blessed St Nicola (tradition usually holds that a person must be deceased before becoming a saint) in charge and woe betide anyone who crosses them.  The Church of the SNP make the Church of Scientology look respectable.  And their Pope Emeritus, Salmond, can not resist pontificating on matters beyond his remit.  Someone should entomb him in the SNP equivalent of the Vatican Necropolis.