The morning after the night before

The Guardian missed a trick today.  I saw their main sports page on Match of the Day last night/this morning (it was just after midnight) with contrasting pictures of Newcastle United and Hull City, entitled 'Heaven... and Hell'.  Well, surely that should be 'Heaven and Hull' and I'm sure the Tigers are hoping it is mere Purgatory.
The story of the day belongs to Jonas Gutierrez for the Magpies but Mike Ashley made a rare comment (non-verbal).  He says he will invest in the club in the summer.  Will he or will it be the £34m swilling around the club's accounts?  He also says he will sell up once the club wins something or qualifies for the Champions League.  That's a Kafka-esque scenario as the club hierarchy's official policy is to neglect cup competitions because they might result in a relegation dogfight if the club got to the final (little good going out of the League Cup at the quarter-final stage and the FA Cup at the first hurdle did this season).  Moreover, the squad is so pared back it is unable to challenge for a Europa League place, let alone Champions League spots.  It needs serious investment just to get back to mid-table.  So this pretty much says the owner does not want to sell up, period.  Ashley certainly does know how to poop a party but Newcastle fans know at least the club will be at the top table for another season.