London scrum

Charlie Brooker once again delivers an exquisite analogy sumptuously summing up a situation. One of my recent favourites was that making love to a skinny woman was like being attacked by a deckchair. In his last utterances, he was pontificating on the London mayoral race.
He rightly chastised the propaganda of the Evening Standard, so lurid and obvious it would have made Pravda blush, against the incumbent Ken Livingstone, while simpering around Boris Johnson. But he reserved his real venom for Johnson himself. His very relevant criticisms were all bound up in this swipe - "If butterfingers Johnson gets in, it'll clearly be a laugh riot from beginning to end, like a series of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em in which Frank Spencer becomes mayor by mistake." Ooh, Betty!
It would be a bad joke if Boris was the man who attended the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics to pick up the torch as mayor of the next host city. In front of a televised audience of a billion or more, imagine the potential for calamitous monologues, given his track record of describing Liverpudlians and black people in general. A Prince Phillip-esque comment about 'slitty eyes' would probably be the best one could hope for if Boris was there. Prince Charles may have described the Chinese leadership during the Hong Kong handover as 'ghastly, old waxworks' but he did that in the privacy of his own diary, that was then stolen and published in bad faith by a paid-up member of the gutter press. But butter-brained Boris' intellectual faculties are inclined to melt under the heat of TV studio lamps, so imagine the pressure to keep his mouth shut in Beijing; he might explode altogether! He was torn to pieces by Jeremy Paxman in a Newsnight mayoral debate, at one point prompting Paxo to exclaim loudly (and rhetorically) "I despair!" No wonder Paxo scattered the next day's newspapers across the studio floor at the end.
Not that Ken's all that great, but I'd rather see him collect the Olympic torch than the blonde buffoon. Couldn't the Tories have found anyone more competent? In reality, few could attain such nincompoop levels (on public matters, that is, for when it comes to the classics - or dead white men - Johnson is par excellence) as Boris the blusterer. One light-hearted magazine described him as "Bonking Boris." Irrespective of his romantic exploits, it says it all really.